Humor

Converted Trump Now Running For Pope


"And then the Communion comes and the bad music starts. It’s like I’m at a bad Woodstock concert, it really is. The guitars start, the guy with the ponytail starts singing. And I see people going up to receive God, ok. I just converted, but I read this in Trent ok, it says we believe Communion is God. It says it right here, I have it highlighted, ok. And the people are receiving God in their hand, crumbs are falling, they're standing there putting it up to their mouth like a potato chip. They’re dressed like they just came from the mall. And I see this, and I’m like, what are we doing, folks? What are we doing? Are we Catholics or are we Protestants? I know some Protestants who wouldn’t receive Communion the way we receive Communion or dress the way I see some people dressing. No respect, folks. No respect, no reverence. Look, I have a meeting with a CEO and we want to do a deal he comes dressed in a suit. It’s respect. If he shows up in shorts and flip flops I tell him get the hell out of my office, ok. Because it’s a joke. He shows no respect and he’s not taking it seriously. He’s gone. Bye bye. And under a Trump papacy that’s where these people will be. You don’t respect the boss? Bye bye.

(Cheers, applause)

So anyway, that was my first experience at Mass, folks, and I almost left to tell you the truth. This Mass was so bad, I almost left, but then someone told me that this was the “New Mass.” Apparently there was an “Old Mass” and now there is a “New Mass” it’s called the Novus Ordo have you heard of it?

(Boos)

That is apparently what I attended, but I had no idea, I thought it was just the Mass. That it had always been the Mass. But no, this form of the Mass was apparently made up in 1969 by a Pope Paul VI. Sort of like by executive order, if you want to know the truth. He put it in like Obama, even though he had no consensus for it, he puts it in anyway and there you go. Well, I have to tell you folks, under a Trump papacy we are going to repeal and replace the Novus Ordo.

(Wild cheers, applause)

Repeal and replace the Novus Ordo. We have no choice folks, we have no choice. We really don’t. The Novus Ordo is going to collapse on its own anyway. Mass attendance keeps plummeting. We have to do something. The Novus Ordo will be repealed and it will be replaced with something much better and magnificent. More and reverent and beautiful. Don’t you want something reverent and beautiful for our Mass?

(Cheers)

I found this book the other day. It’s a 1962 Missal. I read it, it’s fantastic. Maybe we go back to the 1962 Missal? Is that ok?

(Cheers, applause)

Maybe we go back to Latin. I’m a big fan of the Latin. When we used Latin we were number one. We went to English and now the Muslims outnumber us. They kept Arabic they go to number one, we ditch Latin, we go to number two. I’m just saying. Are there any Trads in the audience? Where are my Trads? Are there any Trads here?

(Cheers, applause)

I have to say that I love the Trads. Under this pope, the Trads get treated like second class citizens. He calls them, what’s the word? “Neo-Pelagians.” “Neo-Pelagians,” you believe that? By the way, why is the Pope always calling us names? He’s always calling us names. He never calls the Muslims names, the Protestants names. But he calls us names. He’s really not a very nice guy in my opinion, ok? He’s actually sort of a nasty guy. Isn’t calling a whole group of Catholics Neo-Pelagians, kind of nasty? And, by the way, did you see the papers today? Today he said I'm not a Christian because I want to build a wall to protect our country's border? Can you believe it, folks? Just unbelievable."

John Williams

Another great piece by John Williams!

First Class Feast!

For those who belong to a FSSP Parish, you do not have to do your Lenten practices since it is a First Class Feast today!

Church's Chicken it is!

"Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine"

Rest in peace, Justice Scalia.  May God grant eternal rest to him and grant consolation to his family.

Monastic Series

Because of a failure of time management on my part and the duties of my state of life, I have not been able to post of late!  Insha'Allah, I will be posting about the holy monks/nuns in the Catholic tradition next week.

Meanwhile, please pray for Arsenal Football Club.  They will be playing Barcelona on Tuesday in a Champions League match.   Messi, Neymar, and Suarez against....well, just pray for the lads.

Lent and Monasticism

Seeing that it is 20:25 here in Los Angeles, I can finally feel the winds of Lent sweeping over my soul.  In a little over three hours, the Lenten season will begin in the West with Ash Wednesday.  I am excited for this Season because I have been slipping into worldly allures for the last few weeks and I need to bring the sails of my soul back into the narrow path leading to Christ.

This Lent, I will be posting materials relevant to one of my passions, which is Monasticism.  When I first entered the Faith, one of the things that brought me in was the ascetic life.  So, this Lent, I will try to make my blog a center for all of us who love Monasticism!  

Let our houses become the deserts of Egypt.  Let our rooms become our solitary chambers where our souls are lifted to Christ in the midst of silence.  

From the Paradise of the Desert Fathers,

"Abba Joseph asked Abba Nisteros, "What should I do about my tongue, for I cannot control it?"  The old man said to him, "When you speak, do you find peace?" He replied, "No." The old man said to him, "If you do not find peace, why do you speak? Be silent, and when a conversation takes place, prefer to listen rather to talk."

"A brother asked Abba Poemen, "How should I behave in my cell in the place where I am living?" He replied, "Behave as if you were a stranger, and wherever you are, do not expect your words to have an influence and you will be at peace."

Remember

"Remember always that you are a stranger on the earth and that you will return to your heavenly home. Then you will not put all your hopes in this world and its comforts.

Remember That the narrow gate leads to the kingdom of heaven. If you see the wide gate open before you, escape and keep away from it. As all those who went into it perished.

Remember your eternity and work for it at all times."


-His Holiness Pope Shenouda III

Blind Man

"We will now resume our considerations upon the Liturgy of Quinquagesima Sunday. The passage of the Gospel selected by the Church, is that wherein our Saviour foretells to his Apostles the Sufferings he was to undergo in Jerusalem. This solemn announcement prepares us for Passiontide. We ought to receive it with feeling and grateful hearts, and make it an additional motive for imitating the devoted Abraham, and giving our whole selves to our God. The ancient Liturgists tell us, that the blind man of Jericho, (spoken of, in this same Gospel,) is a figure of those poor sinners, who, during these days, are blind to their Christian character, and rush into excesses, which even Paganism would have coveted. The blind man recovered his sight, because he was aware of his wretched state, and desired to be cured and to see. The Church wishes us to have a like desire, and she promises us that it shall be granted."

-Dom Prosper Gueranger, Liturgical Year

Betrayed!

"I made an exception for the FA Cup-ties; these I wanted Arsenal to win despite my absence, but we got knocked out 1-0 at West Brom. (I had been forced to go to bed before the result came through—the tie was played on a Wednesday night—and my mother wrote the score down on a piece of paper and attached it to my bookcase ready for me to look at in the morning. I looked long and hard: I felt betrayed by what she had written. If she loved me, then surely she could have come up with a better result than this. Just as hurtful as the score was the exclamation mark she had placed after it, as if it were … well, an exclamation. It seemed as inappropriate as if it had been used to emphasise the death of a relative: “Gran died peacefully in her sleep!”"

-Nick Hornby, Fever Pitch