"I want to say to you, about myself, that I am a child of this age, a child of unfaith and scepticism, and probably (indeed I know it) shall remain so to the end of my life. How dreadfully has it tormented me (and torments me even now) this longing for faith, which is all the stronger for the proofs I have against it. And yet God gives me sometimes moments of perfect peace; in such moments I love and believe that I am loved; in such moments I have formulated my creed, wherein all is clear and holy to me. This creed is extremely simple; here it is: I believe that there is nothing lovelier, deeper, more sympathetic, more rational, more manly, and more perfect than the Saviour; I say to myself with jealous love that not only is there no one else like Him, but that there could be no one. I would even say more: If anyone could prove to me that Christ is outside the truth, and if the truth really did exclude Christ, I should prefer to stay with Christ and not with truth."
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I have a deep admiration for Dostoevsky. A Russian Orthodox priest that I know once told me that he considers him to be a saint. He suffered deep doubts with the faith and asked Christ for clarity. Christ let him bask in the darkness and it is in the darkness that his faith in Christ was made purer. In his words,
"It is not as a child that I believe and confess Jesus Christ. My hosanna is born of a furnace of doubt."
Blessed be the furnace of doubt.
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