Thursday, January 31, 2019

Wednesday, January 30, 2019


"He was crucified for our sake."

Meditate on these words and cry tears of sorrow.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

When Will My Repentance Occur?

Remember that she is only human.  She has a soul that God has given her but keep in front of your mind that she is flesh, bones, and blood.  Why are you lusting after human flesh?  Flesh that will decompose. 

Why are you so slow to understand?  All will die no matter how beautiful they were on the outside.  However, the inner life is the only thing that remains.  It's the total sum of my life.  You are going to die!  Why aren't you quick in repentance?  How long will you keep committing the same sins over and over again!  

My soul groans O' Lord.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

O' Teresa, how I adore you

I wish I could tell her how much I love her.  I reckon she knows and I think she loves me too but we both have a veil of sorts that separates us from total union.

O' Teresa how I love you.  However, because of my sins, the Lord is allowing me to suffer by experiencing separation.  If I had not sinned grievously in my youth, I am quite sure that we would have been married by now and would have had the Fruits of marriage.

I can't sleep at night because these sins keep me up.  If only I had not sinned, I would be with you but I have to keep suffering because of my lack of discipline.

Well, I still have Mary.  She is Our Mother!  May She protect us and provide you with the husband of Her choosing.  May Her Will be mine.

Forgive me Lord for my drunken posts!


Why should I care about what others think about me?  Will they be able to be with me on the Day of Judgment?  When I am falsely accused or misunderstood, let my soul stay quiet and meditate on the Lord.  He is my joy and salvation.  I have become strange to my father and mother but I have attained intimacy with my Lord.

Have mercy on me and all of those whom my heart loves, O' Lord.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019


"When my Beloved appears, With what eye do I see Him? With His eye, not with mine, For none sees Him except Himself."

-Ibn 'Arabi

Monday, January 21, 2019


"It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy."

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Love and Suffering

"On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love. I want suffering in order to love. I long, I thirst, this very instant, to kiss with tears the earth that I have left, and I don't want, I won't accept life on any other!"

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Dreams of a Ridiculous Man

Thursday, January 17, 2019


Thank you Christ for the sufferings!  Thank you for your silence in the amidst my drunken cries!  Thank you for the bitter taste of Thy Cross!

O' Lord, you know that I love her but even her silence, the silence that You have given her is more pleasant to me than the well wishes of my loved ones. 

O' Theotokos, pray for me, chief of sinners.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019


"Even those who have renounced Christianity and attack it, in their inmost being still follow the Christian ideal, for hitherto neither their subtlety nor the ardor of their hearts has been able to create a higher ideal of man and of virtue than the ideal given by Christ."

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov 

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Your Silence

Lord, Your silence is more comforting than all of the noise of the world!

Saturday, January 12, 2019

The Path of Salvation

One of the things I like about religions like Orthodoxy, Catholicism and Islam are that they see salvation with full understanding of the frailty of men.  Of course we should all try to, at this moment, refrain from the sins that burden and destroy us.  However, human nature is complex.  What I like about the Faith is that it teaches that the thief who is in amidst his crime, the broken prostitute who is awaiting a customer, the murderer who is planning his heinous crime or a sexually deviant man who has completely become animalistic can all be saved.  Even in the midst of their libertine lifestyle, the seeds of salvation are being planted.

This is a great mystery of the religion.  Let us see ourselves as the worst of sinners and have a complete and pure prayer towards all in the world, especially those who need it the most so they may repent and live.

We Desire Patience, O' Lord!

Ya Rabb, please grant us an extreme patience when we deal with our brother's frailties!

Tuesday, January 8, 2019


How can we enter Paradise if we hold an ounce of hatred in our hearts towards our brother?  How can we enter Paradise if we are jealous of his achievements?

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Message

by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia

to the Archpastors, Pastors, Deacons, Monastics and

all the Faithful Children of the Russian Orthodox Church

Beloved in the Lord archpastors, all-honourable priests and deacons, God-loving monks and nuns, dear brothers and sisters:

From the depths of my heart I congratulate you all on the great and world-saving feast of the Nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Today, like the shepherds of Bethlehem two thousand years ago, with joy and loving-tenderness we hearken to the triumphant voice of the angel: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Lk 2:14). In hearing these wondrous words, our hearts find comfort and are filled with thanksgiving to the Maker. The Lord Almighty, “the mighty God, the everlasting Father” (Is 9:6), comes down to us and is born into the world as a simple human being. The psalmist and prophet David proclaimed these words through the Holy Spirit which have come true: “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Truth shall spring out of the earth; and righteousness shall look down from heaven” (Ps 85:10-11). And it has come to pass that “unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given (Is 9:6) that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (Jn 3:16).

Throughout history humankind has assiduously sought out God, longing for the lost communion with its Maker. And in response to these endeavours, in response to hearts and hands raised up towards the heavens, the Lord has manifested his love for the human race and has extended towards us his saving hand. After thousands of years God and the human person have finally encountered each other in Jesus Christ, heaven and earth have been united, and the hopes of the sons and daughters of Adam have been fulfilled.

In Christ’s Nativity there has been revealed to us at one and the same time both a Mystery and a Revelation. The human mind is indeed unable to grasp fully how the Maker and Provider of the world – God, who by his nature is boundless – comes into our world torn apart by sin and reveals himself in the form of a helpless Child born in the cave where the shepherds and the animals sought refuge from the bad weather. The glory which was exalted by the heavenly powers, disseminated by the wise men from the east and witnessed by the humble shepherds, is proclaimed loudly to all ends of the earth. All of this allows us to glimpse the depths of the unfathomable wisdom of God, it makes us a part of the Trinity’s hidden plan for the salvation of the human person.

Today we know that “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son… so that the world through him might be saved” (Jn 3:16-17). And now, “being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God, … because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us” (Rom 5:1-2, 5).

Let us, then, bow reverently before the humble manger where the quiet and meek Infant lies. Let us bow down with the fear of God and trembling, for it is here that there begins the earthly way of the cross of the Lord Jesus, it is here that our salvation begins. Let us bow down and glorify the Son who is born of the Pre-eternal Father, rejoicing in the ineffable peace which surpasses all understanding and which fills our souls.

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” we again and again joyfully sing after the choir of angels. The love of God, revealed in the Nativity of the Saviour, brings true peace to people. This peace cannot be shaken either by everyday turmoil, social upheaval, political chaos or even armed conflict, for “in Christ’s peace there mysteriously lives such a spiritual power which can subdue all earthly affliction and beguilements” (St. Ignatius Bryanchaninov, Ascetic Works).

Yet how are we to acquire a peaceful disposition of the heart? How are we to become the possessors of this great spiritual gift? The holy fathers are unanimous in stating that the work of Christ’s peace in a human being is a true sign of his abiding in the Gospel commandments. Of them “above all” – we are taught by the apostle Paul – “put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God,” says the apostle, “rule in your hearts, to which also you are called” (Col 3:14-15).

The Lord seeks out people of good will – those people who observe his law, who will testify to those near and those afar to salvation and “proclaim the mighty acts of him who has called you out of darkness into his marvellous light” (1 Pet 2:9).

Let us, then, be worthy of this lofty calling and thereby, “seeing thy most glorious Nativity, which took place in the cave, let us all the more spurn the vanities of the world” (8th Kontakion of the Akathist Hymn to the Nativity of Christ), and we shall be transported spiritually to the heavens in glorifying the Maker of all things and in sharing our joy in the incarnate Saviour with those around us, with those who need our care, who are downcast or who are in straightened circumstances.

May the Lord inspire us all upon the arduous Christian life so that henceforth faith be strengthened within us, that hope fades not and that love shall ever grow; so that as we become part of the solemnity of the radiant feast of the Nativity we shall unceasingly proclaim to the world the “great mystery of godliness” (1 Tim 3:16) and bring comfort and Christ’s blessed peace to people. Amen.



Nativity of Christ



Message to Myself

Look at man around you.  What is he?  He is flesh composed of blood, bones, organs.  So, knowing this, why do you get angry, or lust after, or get envious towards humans?  Know this, you will be judged one day for what you did in this life.

Look at the three friends of yours who died in 2018.  Did they know that they would be taken so soon?  Then why aren't you urgent regarding your dire situation?  Correct yourself while there is still light.

Hate no one.  Lust after no one.  Guard your privates.  Visit the graves often to remind yourself that all things in this life are transitory.  Stay calm always.  Do all things patiently and calmly while keeping in mind that God is your audience.  Be modest and humble.  Be gentle towards others yet strict towards yourself.